Today was.. is… (this english thing sef)… I was shaa born on the 26th Day of May! And with all the festivities, I felt so blessed! The calibre of people God has blessed me with! I cannot complain! I am INDEED FAVOURED! I just want to use this medium to appreciate you all! Thank you for the calls, prayers, texts! everything! God will remember your labor of love and you shall be celebrated even more!
I have decided to give a little something back! It cannot be compared to all the love I received today, but this is what I have — Please, read, share and COMMENT!!!
Before my service year, I never really travelled by road on my own. The longest road trip I ever really did was from Kaduna to Abuja, and that’s just two hours and it had never really been in a commercial car. It was usually with my parents/siblings or a driver or a family member/friend or someone I knew! So coming to my state of posting, a journey that would take 8 hours was really exciting for me. I love adventures and I love visiting new places.
Ever since I got to my new ‘home’, I’ve had more opportunities to use these commercial buses with about 7-12 complete strangers.
Based on my observation, I’ve found that in these buses, are different characters of people (obviously)… and just for fun, I’ve decided to classify them and give them some sort of title/label that you should look out for the next time you’re in a bus and also so you can identify yourself.
- The DJ- aka, the driver- The guy who mans what radio station or boring cassette tape we all HAVE to listen to. This guy is usually very aggressive perhaps as a result of driving total strangers around for hours. Passengers on buses are usually rude to this guy… I don’t quite get why… I mean… why would I want to upset the man whose behind the wheels to the car I’m about to enter?… You want him happy and alert not angry and grumpy… right? If he vexes and decides to crash the car nko?… lol.
- The Business Man/Phone Call Guy- This one is constantly on the phone trying to ensure the “containers get to Onitsha” or some other state. The gender of this person may differ but you can be certain that be it male or female, they’ll be loud! I assume the person on the other end of the call is deaf because the degree of shouting is beyond me! They’re usually really condescending. Like they are beyond being in a bus or something! I don’t get it. Get your own car na, why are you angry with the rest of us?
- The Snorer- I entered a bus once and the driver asked this guy to move to the back of the car. Apparently, people who sleep are bad momentum for the guy driving and as such shouldn’t sit in front –just incase you’re chased from the front to the back seat. The snorer usually appears in the physical form of a man whose wife should’ve stopped him from eating years ago…. Mr. Snorer is loud and really should get his nasal cavity checked!
- The Human Rights Activist- The guy who makes it his priority to fight for the passengers rights- ‘oga driver, you cant put 4 people there, it’s already tight’, ‘oga driver this box would break somebody’s head oh’ ‘oga driver, no too speed na’… Mr. Martin Luther King has good intentions but is usually really rude. He’s the leader of the gang that tries to annoy the driver into killing us!
- The Hommies- Those two or more people who know each other from home and decide to gist the entire trip! Through out! Like… don’t they run out of what to say? Usually in some annoying dialect that just pinches the ear and from the intensity of the gist, you can tell they’re gossiping… needless to say, these are usually women. Because women never run out of gist!
- The Waiter- That guy who is trying to be nice but really is just disturbing us with food… he’s the one that buys things on the road and tries to offer everyone on the bus… thank you sir but no thank you. Shey if I wanted I would’ve bought by myself!
- The Toaster- This one… hmmm… he tries to hit on every girl on the bus. I mean… you just asked the girl next to me for her number brother… why are you still asking me? In such a confined space? Have some shame sir! When we drop you can try but ha,ahn!
- The Priest- That guy who always instigates a prayer before the car really starts to move. It usually begins with “shall we just say a short prayer before the journey begins…” and ends maybe 20 minutes later (Ok.. Ok.. I joke!) I actually like this person because he gives us a sort of spiritual consciousness and feeling of safety! The feeling/knowledge that God is watching after us. I was in one bus however where the guy made me feel more scared than safe. He kept mentioning how God had saved him from 5 previous crashes where almost everyone died except him… I started to wonder… perhaps the problem is with him… I was real close to pulling a ‘Jonah’ on him! Kicking him out of the bus. Lol.
- Finally, there’s the reader/music person- Usually with music too loud or a book that just captivates her enough that she doesn’t pay attention to any other thing happening in the bus. The snorer doesn’t matter, neither does Emeka, the business mogul or the chit-chatters. Every other person in the bus is just there. Obviously, I, my humble self, fall into this category.
So, not every character must be present in every bus, however, these characters are usually there.
Oya! Locate yourself and comment below!
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